Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
