i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
