apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
