The maid of honor just puked.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
