I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize