I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
