It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
