btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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