You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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