did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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