I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
