dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize