You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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