I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize