M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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