I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
