So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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