The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
