I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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