no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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