What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
