My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize