Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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