I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize