if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
