He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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