smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
