Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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