so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
