Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
