WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize