"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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