You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Randomize
