I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
