The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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