Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
