you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
