It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
