It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
