She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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