I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
