This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
