If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
