So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
