Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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