Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
