He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
