I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
