gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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