At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You just made me feel so damn special
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
