3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
