i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
