you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Panties = found
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