Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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