Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
