Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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