I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You can't special order awesome
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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