Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize