Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize