We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he fucked my hip out of place.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I pour the whiskey from now on
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
