Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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