I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
