Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize