We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
