Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize