fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
