i just made my gag reflex go away.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
