Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
