you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
