So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
