just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
pray to the hookup gods
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
