paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My pussy is not your playground.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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