All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize