If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
