How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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