If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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