worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
