He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
