Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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