saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize