remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
