he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
