why didn't you poke me back
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
