Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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