My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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