just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
