If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
