You really coming over, don't trick.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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