Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
